Til Death Do Us Part?

Children change a marriage. Completely and permanently. They change who we are as individuals and therefore who we are as a couple. They affect how we see each other and how we are with each other. You can't tell me that The Husband still looks at my frou-frou in the same way as he did before he saw my daughter's head coming out of it. Children throw a solid marriage into turmoil. I do not understand couples who have children to bring them closer because clearly this is not the case. I have never felt such annoyance, exasperation, infuriation and, occasionally, resentment towards The Husband until after the birth of each child. And I'm sure he has felt the same way about me (I had to write that in case he's reading this).

The Husband, as you know, is very important in the Working World. But at home he often lacks Common Sense. Don't get me wrong, he is very helpful around the house - he does all the jobs that I refuse to do such as packed lunches and hoovering, without complaint. But when it comes to the day to day management of the children he doesn't have a clue. Oh yes he is very good at running around outside with a hose in the midday sun but will never remember to apply lotion to his little funsters. I agree he is just brilliant at taking them to their activities like swimming but often forgets the costumes. He is superb at driving The Tweenager to a sleepover but sends him without his pyjamas and toothbrush.

Add to this lack of Common Sense, three very demanding children and a Mother trying to hold it together and you have A Nightmare On Marriage Street. Having a child is like planting a bomb in the middle of your marriage and when the dust settles everything is different to how it was before.

I love The Husband dearly and he loves me, but nothing tests us like having children together. The kids wear us out quicker than they wear out their shoes. At the end of a crazy day the last thing I (and probably he) want to do is rekindle our romance, put some effort into our marriage.

I am not a fan of spending time together away from the children to nurture our vows. If we have to go out then I would much prefer to go to the cinema or go out with another couple. That way we can avoid any sort of awkward silences mid-conversation, even though all we probably do is talk about the kids. Our marriage works because we have an unspoken agreement that in the evening I watch my crappy American shows and he spends time with Miss Laptop, his square headed girlfriend.

Oh I'm sure he has a lot to put up with too. My breasts have turned into pitta breads and the only thing Brazilian on my body is the rainforest between my legs. I am moody and selfish. I spend money on clothes and hide the evidence. I pretend I am interested in his day. But saying that, I love The Husband for putting up with me and when he comes home the kids are still alive - so I'm fulfilling my side of the contract.

I just adore being married, it's so great to find that one special person you can annoy for the rest of your life.