How To...Avoid Bedtime

I watched 'How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days' and thought I'd tinker in a little 'How To' list myself. Can I just say MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY IS SO HOT! The first points 1-4 would not be applicable to him, of course. They are only relevant to The Husband when I am trying to avoid Special Love. Which is quite often. And will certainly be tonight. The Husband is out at an Awards Ceremony which he insists is very hard work with all the networking that has to be done when in fact it's just a jolly with free wine. Bastard. He will miss the last train then come in smelling of booze expecting a jolly with his wife. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Anyway, he's left bedtime all to me and that's how I came up with the idea. I have just been in the horror movie which is putting 3 kids to bed. Nightmare On My Street. Or The Bed Time Project. Or some other crap title that I am trying to make funny.

HOW TO AVOID BEDTIME (FOR ME):
1. Make way too much noise on way to bed thus waking small child who will almost certainly want to get in bed with you.

2. Decide that you 'need to talk' once in bed, that way ensuring immediate zone out and slumber from The Husband.

3. Pray that a child has a nightmare or is sick. Or you think it is absolutely necessary to call NHS Direct for a potential splinter.

4. Make out you are really interested in what's on the telly while he is climbing the stairs. Even if it is something boring like the News or that new sitcom with the lady from Frasier.

5. Fake coldsore by pinching lip and Pritt Stick.

HOW TO AVOID BEDTIME (FOR THE CHILDREN):
1. Ask for just 'one more book' in such a sickly sweet way that your mother will think she is starving you of great classics if she doesn't read another Curious George. Which is at least 3 pages too long.

2. Refuse to clean teeth. Or do clean teeth but spit out a toothpaste/saliva mixture all over the floor. It will guarantee at least six minutes of telling off.

3. Start coughing and having a headache even though you have just been running around like a looney.

4. Wake up little brother by shouting so that Mummy has to go settle him and you can carry on playing Top Trumps.

5. Be suddenly afraid of The Gruffalo.


Oh and I owe you all an apology. I've not blogged in ages. I am blaming Twitter. It's pulled me in when I said I would never do it. I love it. I will sacrifice a child for it. Please follow me @MinistryOfMum or there will be a curse put on you, involving putting my 3 kids to bed forever.