Oh celebrity mums. How they like to shove their teeny tiny baby bumps in our faces. How they love to show off the post baby body twenty seconds after giving birth. How they adore writing their parenting manuals, designing the babywear collections and declaring they do it all with no help whatsobloodyever.
It would be so refreshing to see a celeb saying it AS IT REALLY IS. Who admits to relying on a nanny, who struggles with losing the extra weight, who just looks fecking KNACKERED.
The lovely @midwifetomum and I have put together the following list of MILPs:
KATONA
VAN OUTEN
KLASS
THORNTON
BECKHAM
PALTROW
PRICE
HOLDEN
WILLOUGHBY
LLOYD
GIGGS
CAREY
SPEARS
And to make love, not war - here are some MILFs:
STEFANI
RINGWALD
SYKES
CRUZ
AGUILERA
Please feel free to comment and add to the list.
Knowles!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I didn't OK those MILFS by the way. Sykes? FFS.
You have to love Sykes if you wanna be in my gang.
DeleteNot seen Knowles yet. Except a pic of her a second after birth performing the Single Ladies routine
Great list!An addition would be can't think of her name-she's a model and Mrs. Orlando Bloom. For reason no 1, doing an underwear shoot about 5 seconds after giving birth, but mainly for going on about how the birth was a 'truly beautiful experience with no pain'. All I can say to that is-the drugs must have been awesome!
ReplyDeleteMiranda Kerr!
DeleteShe posted a pic of her breastfeeding which was great to promote that, but she also promoted makeup, hair and clothes styling at the same time. Oh and a professional photographer with very nice lighting.
You are bloody brilliant. That is all.
ReplyDeleteSo are you. That is all.
DeleteNatalie Cassidy. MILP, not MILF.
ReplyDeleteBut she's the nation's sweetheart INNIT
DeleteStacey Solomon. *PUNCH*
ReplyDeleteAlicia Silverstone *snog*
ReplyDeleteAnd all her teeny tiny baby animals that she breastfeeds
DeleteCan Price be on the list more than once along with all the halfwits who voted her celebrity mother of the year for the SECOND time!
ReplyDeleteI see you didn't run with my MILTGOAF. Sniff.
I wasn't sure it'd catch on ;-)
DeleteHa! I'm saving MILTGOAF because it's so damn catchy.
ReplyDeletePricey is the Queen of the MILPs
WINKLEMAN MILF
ReplyDeleteNOoooooo!!!!!! I forgot about her.
ReplyDeleteAnd ALSOPP
Giselle Bundchen claimed giving birth doesn't hurt and took about 20 seconds. MILTP
ReplyDeleteWhat about yer one from old Beverly hills 90210 tori spelling ... Shes an expert on it nowadays! And she's just so damn pretty I wanna smack her! Oh yea and Tom cruises wife ... For doing what he said about pain relief ... Muppet hence they've had no more!
ReplyDeletefab one x
DeleteYep! SPELLING and HOLMES. And CRUISE too for showing off about it on Letterman. And SURI for being a future MILP
DeleteWhat about Jennifer Ellison- she deserves MILF surely for slashing her own head with an ice skate oucheeee and she's real in the way she sponsors plusnet 'mums moments' cause she agrees that te Internet is really useful for mums - she does her online shop at 2am cause its her only free time x
ReplyDeleteYes I might like her then. She's not super skinny either. APPROVED
DeleteHa ha am loving these lists!! Jennifer Ellison is great..gone up in my estimations since she became a mum..refreshingly normal (well as normal as these showbiz types are) can I add Ruth Langford..her lad isn't very little now but she's always been lovely and honest and likes a glass of wine or three? Ta
ReplyDeleteYes! AGREED
DeletePink for the milf
ReplyDeleteShe's got a dog called Fucker so I can only guess at her kids name
DeletePink called her kid Willow. She's proper crunchy.
DeleteBundchen. I wouldn't just punch, I'd roundhouse kick.
ReplyDeleteAPPROVED! TWICE!
DeleteMel B = MILP. No further explanation required.
ReplyDeleteOnly adding this coz Claire told me to & I'm a bit scared of her.
And I don't know what a MILTGOAF is but worried I may be mocked for my ignorance...
Lucy, wish I'd thought of MEL B.
DeleteYou should be scared of her for suggesting that. Not little ol'
Me!
DeletePressed send too early!
Natalie Portman MILP Claire? She dropped vegan regime for merely veggie diet during pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteWhen she accepted her Best Actress Oscar earlier this year, she paid tribute to her French husband-to-be, saying: 'My beautiful love, Benjamin, who has now given me my most important role of my life.'
I feel a bit iffy on this one!
*VOMS*
DeleteBrilliant List!! Cracked me up. Not a big celeb watcher so all the MILP's pass me by (well you've already named the ones I'd have said). What is a MILTGOAF btw?
ReplyDeleteCan't remember!!!
DeleteMILF for Sarah Beeny. 4 boys. She always looks cream crackered.
ReplyDeleteMILP for Colleen Rooney. Fo' realz.
Too FECKING right
DeleteI'd like to add sarah cawood as a MILF , she blogs about putting on weight, wearing sloby tracksuits while pregnant, the difficulties of breastfeeding and puts pictures up of her looking just like a new mum should, knackered!
ReplyDeleteAhhhhh I've always liked her. APPROVED!
DeleteJools Oliver = MILP. I read her pregnancy book just to wind myself up - knowing I already hated her and would hate it. It was pure rankness. Ugh. I just shuddered.
ReplyDeleteAlso Jessica Alba was pregnant at the same time as me and was a stark comparison to my grey jaded fat self, being all glowing and perfect. Haven't seen any recent pictures but I'm hazarding a guess that she's looking a bit better than I am right now? Bitch.
Sara Cox as a MILF? I like her.
Sara Cox MILF
DeleteCourtney Cox MILP
And don't get me started on Lady Jules of the Olivers. She winds me up a good un
Annabel Karmel. Who writes about healthy food for kids yet looks like one edamame bean would choke her!
ReplyDeleteThere's no way she looks after her kids whilst doing all that cooking
DeleteShe make her own farking chicken stock, deffo has a nanny
DeleteYAY MILPS! I'm so glad you're keeping this going. It was a genius idea if I ever heard one. I've already seen some excellent suggestions in the comments. But a MILF I would think is Jennifer Garner. I read an article about her pumping in the limo on the way to the Oscars that endeared me forever to her.
ReplyDeleteI liked her in that film Juno so I'll allow
DeleteKourtney Kardashian MILP
ReplyDeleteAll the FRICKING Kardashians. I mean, really - who wants to keep up with them?!
DeleteRachel ZOE who refers to her Gucci clad baby as a 'live doll'.
ReplyDeleteI like her! And her kid's name! And I'm not being silly!
DeleteI've always wanted to punch Mariah Carey's lights out but once she pushed out twins and 'lost the weight by just swimming and walking.' my ire grew. You've had surgery biatch why not admit it? http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20588247,00.html
ReplyDeleteSo much surgery. Wish people admitted it!
DeleteI was going to write a comment on how I felt this was all a bit mean and unsisterly and shouldn't we be more concerned that women in the public eye felt the need to project this unrealistic image rather than reveal the truth, blah blah blah ... Then I re-read the names on the list. Yeah. You're right. Particularly about Klass (we had first babies at the same time, me and Myleene. A week before I was due, a plumber came to fix our washing machine and noticed I had THAT copy of Glamour [on the cover of which Myleene poses naked and preggers, a la Demi Moore]. The plumber cast an appraising glance at me and said I'd probably be about the same size, naked. Then he got on with examining the ballcock or whatever it is they do. It was embarrassing. I blame you, Myleene).
ReplyDeleteBRITTEN
ReplyDeleteThe 'P' variety, btw, not the 'F' variety. Just sayin'
DeleteOH YES
DeleteHi! I work with the Brilliance in Blogging Awards and I just wanted to say… well done on being voted as a finalist!!! The finalists are listed here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.britmumsblog.com/bib-awards/2012-bibs-finalists/
Feel free to email me for more information :)
I saw! So damn excited! Can't believe it. THANK YOU xxx
DeleteShe's the Queen of the MILPs that's for sure X
ReplyDeleteI'd like to add Kym Marsh to MILFs - she tweets about Polly Pocket (ok bit dodgy) keeping her awake with teething (clearly no nanny) and being knackered. She's got a real woman's figure and has been through a rough trot. She tweeted me once too (so not remotely biased).
ReplyDeleteMiranda Kerr is a MILP, "no epidural because she didn't want to have a drugged up baby"! Oh DO feck off!
ReplyDeleteHilary Duff is a MILF, appeared looking relatively normal post-baby in a bikini & told everyone who slagged her off that she didn't care what they thought, huzzah!
HOUGHTON. I wouldn't mind but for the fact that she's done precisely fuck all and yet shops in better supermarkets than I do.
ReplyDeleteFunniest blog post I've read it ages. LOVE it and love that Klass is on the list - cannot abide the smarmy smugness and refusal to be real. bleeeeeuuurrggh!
ReplyDelete