Naptime Is The New Happy Hour

Forgive me, I've not written in a week. I don't know where the time goes - but blame it on the sunshine. I don't want to be on my computer when I can be out in the garden with a gin&tonic whilst The Toddler sleeps and the other two are at school. Yes I know I shouldn't be drinking in the daytime but I've come to realise that being ever so slightly drunk makes me a better mum. And these days it only takes one drink to render me lightheaded, giddy and, well, FUN. All the jollity I have had recently with the kids is when I am marginally tipsy. I'm hardly ever Fun Mum when I am sober.

Now the reason for this is that I haven't been very well. I have been suffering from a serious condition called Growing Up. I think I have finally reached the point in life where I am trying to be content with my lot. I am no longer going to blame the children for my 'where is my past life' dysfunction. A key to success is to constantly move forward, or so I am told.

God, listen to me - I need a drink.

Ministry Of Mum is a firm believer in Mothers Who Dabble In Minor Debauchery. Whether it be restrained daytime drinking, the odd swear word, few ciggies, sex toys (god forbid!), bit of shop lifting or good ol' plain bitching - I will give my blessing. It's so hard to feel free being a mother that the odd self gratification here & there can only contribute to making better mums. I fully experience the joys of motherhood when the children are in bed and I have a drink/cigarette/free lipgloss/good piece of gossip to hand.

As you know, I have three children. None of which were a drunken accident. They were planned and they are much loved. That being said, I refuse to believe that I don't bloody deserve a few minutes to take a shower, do a poo and have a goddamn phone conversation. Some days I am living a dream and a nightmare at the same time. So if I decide to enjoy inconsequential recklessness to ease my frustrations then so be it - it's better than running away. I hope my blog inspires you to be the most honest version of yourself as a mother. It's the hardest job in the world and some catharsis is necessary, whatever form this may take.

For Health & Safety reasons I must stress that I am encouraging such revelry IN MODERATION. I am talking freedom within a framework. Getting totally plastered at lunchtime then going up the school is not a good idea, neither is smoking a fag whilst chatting to the health visitor. Please limit your indulgences but take pleasures without feeling guilty! It will make you a more delightful person and your children will thrive!

Generation Tech

Just about every family I know owns a Wii, XBox, iPhone, PSP, Ninetendo DS etc etc. All of these or a combination of these. We do not own any of these. And I would bet a million pounds that The Tweenager (aged six) is the only kid in his class whose household doesn't have these, that's shocking-yeah? But shocking because he's the only kid starved of technology or shocking that 29 of his peers have been given an expensive gadget for birthdays and Christmas? It's all down to me - I'm having a hard time separating the intelligence of this technology from the laziness it brings and I pretty much agree with JK Rowling: "Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain".

On one hand I accept that the planet is going digital and it's probably going to divide me from my children eventually. I'm clueless about the technical world they will inhabit. But I don't want to submerge them in gadgets and virtual games when just plain reading a book or playing in the garden brings just as much fun. They're children! There's plenty of time for them to get tech-savvy in the future. They like paper books. They like building dens. The scariest thing is that The Tweenager is going to be surpassed by The Toddler who will experience the world in a radically different way. The Toddler will view all those gadgets as everyday household objects. I understand this, but it frightens me to think that The Toddler will "know nothing other than a world with digital books, Skype video chats with faraway relatives and child-friendly video games on the iPhone".

The other day my friend said that they'd had a fun Sunday morning playing bowling with the kids on the Wii. We had actually taken our kids bowling that same day. I can't get my head around bowling or bike riding on a computer - just take your kids out! And I can't stand it when children are inside on the computer when it's nice weather outside. We live in England! Sunny days are few! So kick the kids out with a ball. Children are getting so much information all day long that they are losing the ability to amuse themselves and just play.

Alright, alright I'm not totally against technology - I'm just in a mood because I can't get an iPhone for another fifty years (stupid O2 contract) but I don't want to invite the negativity into our home that these computer games seem to bring. I've seen kids crying because they can't get to the next level, I've seen the competitiveness it brings, I've seen The Tweenager's friend ignoring him for hours because he was so enthralled in the DS. And the other day we were out for dinner and although it was a nightmare with the kids behaviour, I would much rather that than the table next to us whose four children each had their heads in their PSPs.

Ha Ha get me mouthing off today- but better to be on soap box than Xbox, right???

It's Not 'What If' But 'What Now'

So this is blog number 30. And it's 10 years since I was 30. Everything was so much different back then. The Husband and I were having serious fun (and conversation), there were no children, minimal responsibilities and life seemed so much more, well, carefree I suppose. I don't mind growing older but growing up is another story. I am just getting my act together at the point when my body and energy levels are falling apart.

I suggested yesterday that it might have made more sense to have had children in my teens, that way I would be done by now. But I wouldn't want to be one of those people who discover their lost youth in their 40s. I had a great life B.C. (before children) and I wouldn't change a thing if I'm honest. Except to maybe not have had children - ha ha only joking (but think of the holidays and the lie-ins! It's tempting, isn't it?). So the thing is, I am washing my hands of the past. It's a good place to visit from time to time but I've decided to get over the craving to live there.

The new policy at the Ministry Of Mum is to LIVE IN THE PRESENT. Embrace what is happening now, instead of planning for the future or looking with nostalgia at the past. Yes be in the moment - stop striving and give into the now! I'm hoping it will free me of regret and fear.

So I've been conducting a few experiments:

- I have been giving serious thought to getting a dog. An idea which The Husband says is ridiculous, he reckons I can't cope with three children never mind a dog but what does he know.

- I am letting The Toddler dawdle and dally when we're out and about. It's maddeningly boring but I'm hoping it will teach me to enjoy the here and now. (Except he always likes backwards direction the best, this might take me some time).

- I am going to buy things immediately instead of dreaming about owning them. The fact I have no money is not going to deter me, it's essential to my new way of life. But I must mention that this experiment is specifically limited to clothes for me and does not include stuff for the kids or The Husband.

- I am trying to say YES. I whinge about the weather, about sleep, about The Husband, about being skint, but most of all I whinge about my children. So instead I am going to stop fobbing off the kids and learn to say 'Yes' instead. (I'm hoping that the few minutes of playtime with them is an investment for half an hour of relaxation for me).

The new family administration is going well, so far so good. Everybody seems happier with me living in the now. The Husband is not convinced, he thinks it will only be another week before things revert back to the norm. He says moaning about the present is part of my makeup. More reasons to consider that dog. Having a dampener on the carpet is surely better than a dampener on my new regime.