CHILDBIRTH ISN'T THE MIRACLE - SURVIVING PARENTHOOD IS
Monday, 21 May 2012
Friday, 18 May 2012
Family Chat
I've always said that one of the important things I want my kids to have is social skills. And by 'social skills' I don't just mean being able to down a pint of beer in 5 seconds or nicely share a joint. I want them to be able to chat to different types of people and in various situations. I think my social skills are pretty good - I do like a chat, especially if it's over coffee & cake. My husband also has good social skills too - as long as he doesn't talk about his work. It's one of those life things that we want to pass onto our children. We think it's more important than fricking fractions.
They are okay at it so far. They will say "Hello" and ask questions and, if you're unlucky, go through every photo on my phone telling you the story behind it. The girl child, if she was a superhero, would be Non Breathing Girl because she can talk at you for six hours straight. My son has learnt the art of sarcasm but his most favourite phrases are "What's for dinner?" and "Where's the computer?"
In order to develop their social skills, I've introduced games at the dinner table. Which works if I can get them to stop fidgeting and pushing carrots around the plate. These games include such delights as Good News/Bad News (example: the good news is we have no homework, the bad news is Mummy will make us read) and Three Things That Happened Today, which is simply when you have to talk about your day.
This was last night's offering:
ME: "I walked the dog. I had a nice coffee. My friend phoned. I bought a hat."
THE GIRL: "But that's FOUR THINGS."
HUSBAND: "Was if the coffee I made you?"
ME: "No. It was from Starbucks."
THE BOY: "School was boring. Where's the computer?"
THE GIRL: "Mummy, can you stop talking now please."
TODDLER: "Watch telly."
HUSBAND: "I don't know why you make them do this."
ME: "You have the social skills of a pig."
SILENCE
They are okay at it so far. They will say "Hello" and ask questions and, if you're unlucky, go through every photo on my phone telling you the story behind it. The girl child, if she was a superhero, would be Non Breathing Girl because she can talk at you for six hours straight. My son has learnt the art of sarcasm but his most favourite phrases are "What's for dinner?" and "Where's the computer?"
In order to develop their social skills, I've introduced games at the dinner table. Which works if I can get them to stop fidgeting and pushing carrots around the plate. These games include such delights as Good News/Bad News (example: the good news is we have no homework, the bad news is Mummy will make us read) and Three Things That Happened Today, which is simply when you have to talk about your day.
This was last night's offering:
ME: "I walked the dog. I had a nice coffee. My friend phoned. I bought a hat."
THE GIRL: "But that's FOUR THINGS."
HUSBAND: "Was if the coffee I made you?"
ME: "No. It was from Starbucks."
THE BOY: "School was boring. Where's the computer?"
THE GIRL: "Mummy, can you stop talking now please."
TODDLER: "Watch telly."
HUSBAND: "I don't know why you make them do this."
ME: "You have the social skills of a pig."
SILENCE
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
My Top Five Child Milestones
This evening my toddler said "Bloody Hell". I'm thinking of marking it down in his Child Personal Health Record (red book) that comes free with every kid, under the title "Listens, retains information and uses in the correct context."
It got me thinking. The Chief of Health Visitors needs to meet with me because I reckon I could rewrite the red book in a more appropriate manner. Of course it's wonderful when your child rolls over, grows first tooth, sits up, crawls etc but I am much more thrilled by the following:
1. BEING ABLE TO USE THE REMOTE CONTROL
On a weekend, I used to get about five minutes lie-in before a child shouted "Mummyyyy the show has finished!". I now get about an extra forty minutes before they demand breakfast simply because they have finally worked out how to use the remote. I'm sure those anti-tv mums curse this milestone, but it's one of my favourites.
2. CLIPPING AND UNCLIPPING IN THE CAR
Sometimes it takes me 24 hours to get my kids in and out of the car. Getting a toddler into a car seat can be hell so thank the lord when other children become self-sufficient. I can put all my energy into the toddler whilst hearing the happy clip-clip from the other two seatbelts. And unloading is easier too - unless they climb through the front and exit roadside which has happened on more than one occasion. Errands aren't so bad now because I can get a pint of milk without feeling that I've caught the cow and milked it myself before even getting to the shop.
3. GETTING OWN JUICE/SNACK
I hate that shovel-food-into-mouth stage, especially because very little of it gets where it's supposed to go. My toddler can now feed himself and I don't care that he walks around with his bowl while the dog has the occasional lick.
4. BEING ABLE TO GET DRESSED AND PUT SHOES ON
There is much screaming in our house directed at the kids to get dressed for school. The fact that I have to dress myself and the toddler is so much better than dressing two other kids as well. And even though the most common phrase in this house is "Get your shoes on" at least I don't have to try and bend over to reach their feet because, hey, I'm not getting any younger.
5. LEARNING TO WIPE OWN'S BUM
This takes time. My eldest can remember exactly what time his favourite shows are on but he often forgets to wipe his bum. The girl usually forgets to wash her hands so she often has smelly hands as well as a smelly bum.
I doubt these will be in many parents scrapbook but I'd put them in mine (if I wasn't so anti-craft). What milestones would you record?
It got me thinking. The Chief of Health Visitors needs to meet with me because I reckon I could rewrite the red book in a more appropriate manner. Of course it's wonderful when your child rolls over, grows first tooth, sits up, crawls etc but I am much more thrilled by the following:
1. BEING ABLE TO USE THE REMOTE CONTROL
On a weekend, I used to get about five minutes lie-in before a child shouted "Mummyyyy the show has finished!". I now get about an extra forty minutes before they demand breakfast simply because they have finally worked out how to use the remote. I'm sure those anti-tv mums curse this milestone, but it's one of my favourites.
2. CLIPPING AND UNCLIPPING IN THE CAR
Sometimes it takes me 24 hours to get my kids in and out of the car. Getting a toddler into a car seat can be hell so thank the lord when other children become self-sufficient. I can put all my energy into the toddler whilst hearing the happy clip-clip from the other two seatbelts. And unloading is easier too - unless they climb through the front and exit roadside which has happened on more than one occasion. Errands aren't so bad now because I can get a pint of milk without feeling that I've caught the cow and milked it myself before even getting to the shop.
3. GETTING OWN JUICE/SNACK
I hate that shovel-food-into-mouth stage, especially because very little of it gets where it's supposed to go. My toddler can now feed himself and I don't care that he walks around with his bowl while the dog has the occasional lick.
4. BEING ABLE TO GET DRESSED AND PUT SHOES ON
There is much screaming in our house directed at the kids to get dressed for school. The fact that I have to dress myself and the toddler is so much better than dressing two other kids as well. And even though the most common phrase in this house is "Get your shoes on" at least I don't have to try and bend over to reach their feet because, hey, I'm not getting any younger.
5. LEARNING TO WIPE OWN'S BUM
This takes time. My eldest can remember exactly what time his favourite shows are on but he often forgets to wipe his bum. The girl usually forgets to wash her hands so she often has smelly hands as well as a smelly bum.
I doubt these will be in many parents scrapbook but I'd put them in mine (if I wasn't so anti-craft). What milestones would you record?
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