Monday, 6 September 2010

Not What The Health Visitor Would Advise

So The Toddler has decided that he is six and can do everything his siblings do. Such as go on my new computer and change his own nappy. It's funny and endearing especially when he calls me "Mum" instead of "Mama" but since the weekend he has become desperate to sit in a booster seat instead of his toddler car seat. Watching me get The Toddler into his proper seat is the most horrifying event you will ever witness. I am shocked that I am not being surveyed by Child Protection. This is the current schedule of events:
1. Tell Toddler that we are going in the car so he gets very excited.
2. Make sure I have his blanky and numerous yummys to bribe him.
3. Open car door and attempt to lift him into seat.
4. Plead with him and pretend to cry as he is kicking & protesting.
5. Distract him by getting animated about planes and boats.
6. Stuff a sweet into his mouth.
7. Grab his arm with one hand while pushing with the other hand against the front of his nappy while using maximum force (I'm surprised he doesn't have a permanent red hand print there).
8. Scream at him and hold him in a Full Nelson as I lock the straps into place.

I have said it before and I will say it again. When I am an old lady, I challenge him to get me into my wheelchair. And if the Adult Toddler attempts to use any of my manoeuvres, I will be straight on the phone to Help The Aged.

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