Saturday, 25 June 2011

Mum Versus Toddler

I have messed up. Big stylie. My friends have been warning me for two and a half years - but have I listened? Have I hell. Yes, I admit it - I have created a monster. A beastie in the shape of The Toddler.
Okay, so in my defence, he is my last baby and as much as I complain about being a mum, there is a side to me that is a bit suckylala. I feel sorry for the Toddler because, in position of third child, he doesn't really get much. His toys don't have batteries, he never goes to Music With Mum, he gets dragged around shops and he is ignored. And because he is in the unenviable position of lowest on the ladder, I have let him get away with murder. He does whatever he wants, when he wants. Basically because I can't be arsed parenting a little one anymore and it makes my life easier.
Two & a half years in and I am paying the price. I have ignored the warning signs and the advice of my friends. The Toddler has become the Freddy Kruger of two year olds. I am fighting the Losing Battle Of Control. It is Mum Versus Toddler - and he is winning.
In military or police operations, there is something called Rules Of Engagement. The ROE determine when, where or how force shall be used. The British Military and NATO have very clear Rules. They are set in stone to provide a consistent, workable standard in avoiding major crisis. I suppose when it comes to parenting a child, there should be very specific Rules Of Parenting set in place too. For example:
1. Don't fetch and carry everything for child.
2. Don't let them play with scissors, screwdrivers, razors or hammers.
3. Always enforce discipline when child hits, scratches, shouts or bites.
4. Never let child have the remote control.
5. Faking memory loss to get out of clubs/parties is not acceptable.
6. Take photographs of child.
7. Do not let them touch absolutely everything.
8. Never steal the child's money.
9. Don't make up stuff because you don't understand their homework.
10. Avoid, at all cost, child being in charge.

However, in the history of military operations, there have been certain Rules Of Engagement failures, so there are bound to be such fuck-ups in parenting too. And I am a prime example. To be fair, my friends have mocked me but they have never actually given me a copy of the Rules Of Parenting. I blame them first and foremost. I blame The Husband second for not being around more.
The Toddler, at this current time, is pretty unmanageable. Having two older siblings he is picking up tongue pulling, shouting and words like "stupid" and "idiot". Although it's really cute when he says "Disgusting Bieber" instead of "Justin Bieber" as an insult.
My friends are like "See I told you so", but The Husband is not finding it so funny. He is shocked at the weekend when The Toddler performs or pulls a fast one. The way he reacts depends on if he is after The Special Love but often he is not very happy with me.
But you know what - I'm coping. The Toddler has just started nursery and I'm thinking that they can deal with him. They can teach him the proper way to behave then deliver him back to me. As long as I don't have to pay him any attention, I'm fine with that. Or it will be Mum Versus Nursery pretty damn soon.


  1. I break all of the rules daily with my 3rd son. I don't give a shit though because I know the REAL monster is son #2. The only planned child, he is the one I ploughed all my time energy and devotion into. I had the best routine, went to all the groups, made fresh organic food every hasn't paid off yet. I suspect my youngest, most neglected child will have the most respect for me because he has had to earn every second of my time.

  2. Ooh I can't wait for Mum V Nursery. Nanny #1v2.0 left a job because the parents fully expected her to be the only one enforcing discipline...:-)