Monday, 7 November 2011


It dawned on me this morning that there isn't, in fact, such a thing as a Supermummy. We, as mothers, think they exist but actually it's a load of bollocks. I think now I've discovered this, it's going to change motherhood around the world. Or maybe not.
We have recently bought a Land Rover Discovery. Actually I say "We" but it was The Husband because let's face it I've got naff all money and I'm an expert at stealing from him. This purchase came about for two reasons:
1) We need the space.
The kids/dog/adults/baggage/snacks/crap/buggy in one vehicle has meant that every car journey has ended in tears/shouting/a slap/me storming out at traffic lights. The only way this family could go forward in a happy manner was to purchase a car that would hold us all for at least five minutes without it kicking off.
2) I had bashed the old car on one too many occasions.
These occasions included slamming wing mirror against various objects, scraping front/back panels about 3287 times and reversing into posts, walls and lampposts. Plus the inside was a toxic waste dump of old sweets, fruits shoots, dog dirt and cake. Basically The Husband could not ever never pick up one of his VIP clients to take them for a power lunch.
So I'm driving around in this car which is like the Holy Fecking Grail of any mother. I've been coverting one for years and I know plenty of mums that aspire to have one too.
But here's the rub - I'm still me.
I'm driving through the village this morning with swanky wanky car, my Ugg boots, my Louis Vuitton bag - looking the part I guess, of that Supermummy we've all green-eyed at - but I feel like a dick. A absolute prize cock. It just isn't me.
Sure I'm grateful that I've got these nice things but I've realised that they are not important - they will not magically turn me into a Supermummy. Because I still have to deal with all the shit of picking up the mess, cooking dinner for kids that moan, digging the whole toilet roll out of the loo, cleaning up spilt juice and wiping bums. And that Supermummy we see around town has to do the same entire thing as well. Looking the part is nothing. It doesn't mean that you will suddenly enjoy being a mum and bake cupcakes and go to the gym. It just means that for maybe a tiny moment, even if it's two seconds a week, you will think you are a Supermummy and for that two seconds I suggest milking it. After all, there'll be a random mum looking at you, wanting to be you and, well, you don't want to disappoint them, do you?


  1. A brilliant and very true post! Your description of cars sounds so like mine it's hilarious! I never think of myself as a supermum more as a justaboutcopingmummy. Bit the kids are happyish and healthyish so I guess I am doing ok!

  2. The Supermummys I see, who you describe so well, all seem to look down their noses at others. But you're right, at the end of the day we'll all be up to our elbows in baby shit and throwing the food back at the kids.
    Love it. I can look at them all a little differently now...

  3. I am a supermummy then - baking cupcakes (in my case this weekend a cake) & going to the gym - the inside of my car got vaguely cleared out yesterday outside "the burger shop - Macdonalds" where I got a large meal for the retro coke glass - ok so I now don't sound so "super" anymore BUT I did also volunteer at PTA fireworks to help on pork role & hot dog stall & ....beat this....I really really enjoyed it!! Katy Charles

  4. Hahaha, you definitely have all the accessories for the Uber-Supermummy look! Hope you worked it!
    But behind the trappings, the reality is the same for us all, isn't it? Sometimes great and a right laugh, sometimes bloody crap...

  5. Brilliant - I have forwarded this to my wife (who isn't a wanky supermummy but often wonders "how they do it". Now she knows :-)

  6. Love this post. Although it won't stop me wanting to swap my Renault Laguna for a Land Rover Discovery ;)

  7. Ha! I'm ashamed to say this is my first visit! You are actually very funny - I'll be back (if that's ok after the video thingy ;)