CHILDBIRTH ISN'T THE MIRACLE - SURVIVING PARENTHOOD IS
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
I want to start a Parent Confessions page where you can write things anonymously that you'd never normally admit to. Just as soon as I get my lazy arse in gear and figure out how to do it. Which might take a while. In the meantime, here's a little taster from me.
1. The one great thing I can teach my children is sarcasm.
I believe that they will grow up having sarcasm as their superpower. My 8 year old is already using sarcasm instead of his fists to fight back and he does it with humour.
Unfortunately, I will probably be on the receiving end of their sarcastic blows.
2. I don't believe that my kids will be professional sportspeople, actors or popstars.
I think this is a good thing. Of course I will support any dreams they have but I'll be truthful with them if they show no talent.
There's nothing worse than those kids on X Factor who honestly think they can sing because their family has told them so. When they're slated by the judging panel, you can see years of therapy ahead.
My kids probably will need therapy in the future anyway, but this will be down to my fuck-ups not because I told them a lie.
3. I can't wait until my kids can do their own washing, ironing and clean up after themselves.
Because in ten years time (and counting) I will be done and I will be a happier person for it. I know it's part of being a parent, but I really hate having to clean up their messes - especially when they've split juice, chucked Lego everywhere and pissed on the floor.
Short term goal - for them all to be able to wipe their own bums.
4. Sometimes my kids misbehave in public and I get embarrassed.
But that's okay. Because when they're teenagers I'll return the favour and they can use all the sarcasm they like, I'm going for it.
5. Mummy porn pisses me off. The pictures you see of celebs - Jennifer Lopez looking gorgeous with her week old twins, Angelina Jolie and her fifty kids looking fabulous, Victoria Beckham wearing D&G at Fashion Week whilst suffering from PND. Those images only exist to make us regular mums feel like shite. BUT I do sometimes aspire to be like them.
6. Quite often, instead of playing trains with my toddler, I pretend to be watching him but instead I'm texting or tweeting.
7. I love my husband. But sometimes I hate him. Especially when I've had a crappy day where the kids have practically killed each other (and me) and he comes in from work and says "They're just children."
8. On occasion, I have wondered about what my life would have been like if I didn't have children. And, on occasion, it is really really good.
9. I like that our toddler sleeps in bed with us most nights because it means I don't have to do The Special Love when I'm tired.
10. I do not like some children.
Soon, people, it will be your turn. Just give me a year or two to get it going...
Posted by Claire