When I was little, I was a crazy kid. I always wanted to do bad ass stuff like climb on the roof to fly down like a chicken, empty all the liquids in the house into one jug for an 'experiment' and run around with the paddling pool in November. Top of my list was to eat a whole packet of Jaffa Cakes, naked. These days, I'm a boring fecker. I sit here sorting out paperwork, doing packed lunches, emptying the dryer, doing the washing up and hoping that one day I'll get to the bottom of the ironing pile.
So the other day I had the 'great' idea to spend some time doing whatever my 3 year old son wanted to do. Yep - those that know me will probably say that he does whatever he likes anyway, but this time I was gonna obey his every word. We would have a whole six hours doing whatever he chose to do. I was secretly hoping we'd sit naked watching crap telly but this is what happened:
"Party bag please." he said. "Let's eat it on top of the car." This was breakfast. Oh HELLO Malcolm from next door. Yes, we're sat on the car roof eating birthday cake in our pyjamas. "Let's do digging in the garden." So off we went, churning up mud and probably dog poo in the pouring rain.
We then walked the dog. We do this quite a lot, but not like this one. I have never played hide and seek with a sheep before. Nor have I taken off my shoes and rolled down a hill. We hopped, we skipped and I even attempted to run.
We got home. "I know, Mummy, let's make Christmas." Fortunately we've got a really rubbish collection of Christmas decorations - 5 bits of tinsel, 9 baubles and a crappy candle. Once they were out and placed & rearranged for half an hour, he discovered the bubble wrap in the cupboard under the stairs. You know, that junk cupboard with tins of foreign coins, keys that don't fit anywhere and dead batteries. "Let's squash the bubbles with our bumbums".
"Can we go on a bus to the park?" The park is two minutes from our house so we pretended to be on a bus. With me as the driver, looking like a tosser.
It was almost time to pick up the kids from school. Toddler was tired. "You choose now, Mum". But what should I choose? There were toxic lunch boxes to sort, a never ending pile of ironing and countless loads of washing up to be done.
Yet I had a better thought. I ate a whole packet of Jaffa Cakes. And I ate them naked.
Refreshingly positive and hilarious post about raising a youngster!ReplyDelete
I too have wondered about eating a whole packet of Jaffa cakes In one sitting. Mainly to see if they become dry on the tongue after about the top ten.
Looking forward to meeting you at Britmums. Just spent this months wages on flight&hotel. Needs must x
So pleased you're coming, Aly. It's gonna be great. Thanks for your comment! It was hard work though. Have needed electric shock therapy since.Delete
This made me laugh so much, I fully intend to shamelessly plaguerise your fantastic idea, and spend a day obeying my two-and-a-half-year-old twins. I better get used to running in circles and replacing everyone's name with 'Nunk'...ReplyDelete
Do it! At least I know I've been a fun mum for ONE DAYDelete
Yes, but did you fix any holes???ReplyDelete
Well done on your Finalist status. I'm sure it was my vote that tipped it you know x
I reckon it was, because you were probably the only fecker who voted for me innitDelete
Omg I just proper laughed out loud on the bus at this! Am getting weird looks now!!!ReplyDelete
Haaaaa! Now every time you get that bus people will be like "Here's the crazeeee lady"Delete
A day your child will remember for years. Good one!ReplyDelete
Hope so! Because I'm not repeating it!Delete
Such a good idea, and post. Can't wait for my little one to get older so I can get some decent blog posts outta her ;)ReplyDelete
They do give great material but rubbish when they're behavingDelete
Yeah enjoy the good times of spontaneous insanity and jaffa cake binges with your youngun. My eleven year old is now far, far more mature than me. She read in the paper yesterday in the crime log about a woman who had 'met a man online, spent the night with him and woken to find he had stolen her car, cellphone, laptop and credit cards.' My daughter just calmly handed me the paper and said, 'And that's why you should never do online dating.' I didn't dare to tell her that I had once long ago done online dating and had some almost as hairy tales to tell!!!ReplyDelete
Haaaaaa! I'm sure I'll get plenty of material then. If I'm still sane enough to blog.Delete
I am not telling my bois that someone's (hilarious) Mam has sat on top of a car with her boi and ate breakfast...they would be so jealous! Such a funny post.ReplyDelete
Try it! It's seconds of fun!Delete
I could sue, you know. You prompted me to clamber onto the roof of the Skoda with a tea cake and I've dented it. I envy you your 3 year old. When I offered myself to my daughter recently we spent the whole morning peering at leopard print in Claires Accessories.ReplyDelete
I would like to see that. Let's do it together someday.Delete
My daughter is a tomboy. I think shopping with her will end up being a fight then I can sue you for giving me that idea.
Sometimes I start out the day thinking that I might have a"yes" day and agree to all demands but my children only too quickly take advantage of this by coming up with the most rediculous ideas ever and I get cross, the "no" button gets pushed and that becomes my automatic response to everythingReplyDelete