Monday 16 July 2012

The Kind Of Parents We Are

I'm really lucky that lots of people identify with this blog. But I'm even luckier that they admit to it. Often I get comments from relieved parents who are usually being very hard on themselves, think they're rubbish and, well, feel a bit alone. Especially when there are Supermummys everywhere who make us feel crap. Yeah here's looking at you, Gwynnie.
So I've done a little survey and I'm hoping that these admissions strike a chord - especially with the mummies out there who are having a bad day. And hopefully make you feel a bit better because YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

These are the answers I got to my question: "What kind of a parent are you?":

1. Drunk, impatient and I also spoil them.
2. Make it up as I go along.
3. Exhausted and short-tempered.
4. Tired, frustrated, proud and hope to hell I can pay for their therapy to correct what I get wrong.
5. Learning as I go along, making lots of mistakes, but sometimes strike lucky and get it right.
6. Not just here all week but here for the rest of my miserable downtrodden days.
7. The kind of parent for whom choosing which to save in a fall between the iPad and the child is like Sophie's choice.
8. An exhausted one who uses Cbeebies to fill the last hour of the day.
9. Easily irritated and prone to bribery.
10. I'm the kind of parent who dettol wipes a highchair in a cafe but brushes mouldy food off the one at home.
11. An exhausted one who feels guilty over working full time and not always being able to leave it at the door when I get home.
12. Always there. But not always there.
13. A guilty one.
14. I throw out their stuff then lie about where it is.
15. Disorganised and impatient.
16. Shite, most days, well that's how I feel.
17. The kind who ends a temper tantrum by stuffing child with Cheerios.
18. One that hangs in there, dragged along on the coattails of growth spurts, tantrums and giggles.
19. An okay, let's hope this works type of parent.
20. A busy one with a mixture of fairness, grumpiness, kindness and fun.
21. A mostly horizontal one.
22. A lazy, skint motivator.
23. An anything for a quiet life one.
24. I'm an irresponsible one with a pinch of clueless.
25. Still in training after 27 years.
26. I'm the parent who eats chocolate cake with her kid for breakfast, hates the playground and dances the stress away at night.
27. Rubbish first time round.
28. Tired, drunk, fed-up, proud, happy or working.
29. A haphazard, stresshead, lazy, inconsistent and tired one.
30. Right now, I'm the type of parent who's supervising her kids bathtime with a glass of wine in her hand.

Please feel free to add to this list! x


  1. God, pretty much all of them and some more. I am laid-back, half-arsed and pretty good in most respects. I think. We too are saving for therapy expenses.

  2. Most of them are ticking my box too... I would say I'm a mum that LOVES my kids but has more patience for other kids, a do as I day, NOT as I do mum & possibly... That's what my nan would have done.....

    Brilliant as ALWAYS Missus.... Xx

  3. Lets see, I can relate to #2, 3, 4, 5, 9, 12, 13, 14, 16, 18, 19, 20, 25, 29. Gosh, I don't really want to add to the list. :-)

  4. Love this!! After a bad-mummy day it did bring tears of relief to my eyes. Thank god there are normal mums out there! X

  5. This has made me feell slightly better x Brilliant post!

  6. you forgot the "what the hell did i do to deserve this?!" mom!

  7. Re: No. 30. 'Kids love a tipsy mum.' Drink a glass of wine at bathtime. From my fave 'parenting' book of all time EVER ... The Idle Parent.

  8. Nope, don't need to add to this, it's perfect as it is!
    Thank you, you've made me feel better. xx

  9. Have both ends of spectrum a 5 yr old Dictator and an 18 yr old Pain in the Arse! Unsure much if the time as to who the parent actually is coz it certainly isn't me..!

  10. For number 8 replace Cbeebies with Peppa Pig or Thomas and "last hour" with entire afternoon and then you have me down to a tee for all 30! I am NOT adding to the list...

  11. If you're me, you blog about being a parent and get outed as a gay dad. Not sure you could match that? ;-)
    Brilliant as always. You genius.

  12. Totally agree with all of those - glad to see things haven't changed from when mine were young to now :-D

  13. That's me in there at n° 28, although at 5 months pregnant with number 2 being a drunk parent is a thing of the past....for now. In my defence our daughter loves it when Mummy and Daddy throw a house party and all the grown ups act so happy*!


  14. I do feel that if you're going to profile me in such detail on your blog you should feature a glamourous photo of me alongside!

  15. LOVE THIS! I don't have kids but I feel better already about when i do! x

  16. Oh shit, this post is like the inside of my head. On the weekend I found myself in a park with my daughter, watching all the happy-looking frolicking parents while I just wanted to rum amok with a big stick before catching a one-way flight to the Bali dope trail.

  17. yep a little bit of everything, fantastic blog! your blogs make me smile, thanks! x

  18. Definitely relate to a lot of the list for me i feel like a brilliant and useless mum in equal measures depends what time of the day you ask

  19. I am all of the above plus I can't stop swearing. I also let the kids use all my makeup to kill a few hours even if they end up looking like Ronald McDonald and Dolly Parton's love child when they're done!

  20. Its fantastic & true :-) thanks hun Great blog as usual x

  21. Yep I have been or am currently all of the above. Thanks for making me feel a bit less shit about my parenting skills.

  22. I am definitely quite a few of these, probably a few more I could add too. Great post.

  23. I am what is known as an Alpha parent (yes, one of the awful mothers). I cook from scratch, regularly exercise, have a sex life, always creating wonderful masterpieces at home with my adorable boys, bake cakes for school etc etc. But it is a complete cover... I don't do it to look good(o.k, a little bit) and I definitely don't look down my nose at anyone. It is just the way I handle the struggle, with five children it is the easiest way to cope. As I am also : 1,2,3,4,5,6,9,10,12,14,19,23 and 24 (though its a glass at bedtime (as that's every night, as I don't do bath-time, as the kids only get bathed at the weekend.)

  24. Absolutely great blog. I also blog about the truth of being a mum, and love your posts. The job of mum can be a bloody crap one, can't it? There's no job description because you are expected to just do bloody everything, the hours are atrocious (particularly that 24 hour emergency call out requirement) and the feedback brutal ("mummy, you are really rubbish at that"). Not to mention the pay. Well, let's not mention the pay, because there sodding isn't any. The only payment I get tends to be some half-chewed raisins and unwanted bogies.

  25. I can tell I am going to enjoy this blog. New follower. Hope you will follow back. Thanks.

  26. Funny post, I love your honesty! I spend I lot of time feeling disoriented and trying to make an effort to put it right, but I don't feel schite yet - maybe it's because LO isn't old enough to answer me back yet?! Please check out my blog

  27. Made me feel worse as can relate to them all. It's raining again so my two are watching tv. My husband would have had them doing all sorts of exciting stuff and I've no inspiration other than being a little bit shit!

    Love your stuff though x

  28. What type of mother am I? I was bewildered, depressed, suicidal and heavily medicated. Now I'm just bewildered and heavily medicated. I'm also so desperately in love with my little one that I swear she carries my heart around in her lunchbox. No wonder I'm fucking nuts.

  29. I'm the mum that drives to the shop 30 minutes away rather than walking to the one at the end of the street just so we can all have a bit of time sitting still.

  30. I'm the counting-down-the-hours-til-they're asleep mum.