Sunday 9 September 2012

Top Ten Names For Girl's And Boy's Bits 2012

The other day we were at the park and our dog was rolling on her back having her tummy tickled by a load of kids. A few of the girls started pointing and asking "What's that?" at her lady-bits. My mate and I were like "Oh it's just her frou-frou" and carried on eating the kids crisps.
On the way home my 9 year old son told me that he'd been embarrassed about me calling it a Frou-Frou because didn't I know that it's called a Minnie and nobody else in the entire world has ever or will ever call it a Frou-Frou.
Which got me thinking.
No parenting manual I've ever seen has a chapter on what to call Boy's and Girl's bits to your children. It's one of those things that you don't really think about until your baby is born and then there's a moment and then you just decide. Or maybe you don't even think about it. Or maybe you have a huge discussion about it. The thing is, it's one of those parenting things that you just have to decide yourselves and I guess there is no right or wrong. Some families like to use the proper, 'grown-up', anatomically correct words and others like to use 'baby' words. Some families feel relaxed about it while others have a right dilemma. It's personal to each family.

You know there are baby name books and each year a published list of the Top Ten Names For Girls and Boys? Well I'm going to help you out even further and give you a list of names for Penis and Vagina, because, you know, it's as important as the name as the child themselves - it's used probably just as often in the early years innit. I've done, errrr, extensive research on Twitter to get these lists:

1. Minnie
2. Tuppence
3. Twinkle
4. Foof
5. Front bottom
6. Button
7. Vagina
8. B'jingo
9. Punani
10. Flower

1. Willy
2. Pee-Pee
3. Tinkle
4. Winky
5. Bits
6. Daddy button
7. Tweaky
8. Penis
9. Diddler
10. Junk

The least popular were "Black Forest" for girls and "Snake" for boys.

You're welcome.


  1. Fuckadoodledo! And no, that's not another name. That's a response (just in case you were wondering).

  2. Reading this has confirmed what I have suspected for a long time- I am very naive and I really must get out more- I've never even heard of some of these words

  3. Fantastic, so pleased to see Minnie topping the charts. We are SO 2012, darling!

  4. Front bottom and willy in our house!

  5. girlie bits and willy. Minge and pork sword just don't quite seem appropriate ;)

  6. I think calling it a front bottom is outrageous. As if you would call a willy " the bit of intestine falling out at the front" A bottom has nothing to do with a yoni, nothing!!! I would be so upset if my girl would refer it to that. I would rather she came home from school and said cunt in a proud manner. My mum said "crumble" when we were little. Was always so appalled when I bumped in to neighbour in elevator, whos cat was called "crumble" lol!

  7. Brings a whole new meaning to 'He's got a twinkle in his eye', I suppose. . .

  8. My niece used to call her's a 'plum', my son nearly wet himself when we walked past a restaurant in China town called 'Plum Valley'!

    Me Ol China was another of their faves, however now they are teens we won't talk about what they call things!

    Can't wait to see 2013's list


  9. Really disappointed to see that "Fanny" and "Todger" aren't in there. Or am I showing my age now?

    1. We say fanny too, but my MIL is American, so that gets confusing sometimes as that means bum to her!

  10. Our son calls his apendage, his "toti" - it's an Afrikaans/South African thing.

  11. We call a girls one a tuppence and a boys one a willy, but I have to say, she also knows 'penis' and 'vagina'. Despite the fact that she knew the word penis, my Husband was appalled when I taught her the word vagina and he said it "sounds bit harsh...", which is a logic that I simply cannot get behind! I've heard and used frou-frou before, so tell your son "Ner ner ner ner ner" andthat he's totally wrong! ;-)

  12. Minky and Maggot in my household. They are now in their 20's and still use those names!!

  13. My brother did something indecorously feminine with a piece of pasta the other day which means that I'll never think of tortellini in the same way again.

  14. Claire - as promised on Twitter, here's the results of me asking on Facebook what friends refer to them as for their children:

    - Willy & Minky
    - ujar or foo foo
    - I used to use "Hoo Hoo" but she's almost 13 so we use clinical terms now.
    - Key key (Filipino for fanny) and woo woo (X made it up for her little brother's willy)
    - X has a 'faa faa' and a 'bot bot'.
    - Willy and front bottom or foo-foo...
    - Front bum, and wee wee (X's words not mine), but bum holes get called bum holes, as do the kids thenselves sometimes.
    - Zizi and flower(Mum is French)
    - With 2 x boys, the conversation doesn't extend beyond willy and balls!
    - Round our gaff it's 'nunu' and I've always liked 'dinkle', but 'tallywaker' might make an appearance if another boy entered the household!
    - Erm, penis and vagina?
    - We are boring in this house; just plain old willy and bits. I've heard some interesting terms from the kids at school!
    - This is very interesting for me as I've been having something of a minor crisis over what to call X's bits. In my day it was a 'minnie' but a friend has named her daughter Minnie, so now we're just on 'bits'. Y has taken to calling it her Ivywilly... so in need of ideas!
    - Willy and Winnie! Which causes much tittering when we meet old ladies called winnie... Eventually though I expect it'll turn into something less nice sounding! Both in secondary so won't be long!
    - Willy and front bottom or bits . Having a 5 year old boy the word willy gets used a lot and as can be expected thinks it's hilarious .
    - Willy and front bottom, though I had to explain to X what balls are the other day when she did a flying elbow charge into mine. Obviously I explained through gritted teeth. Boobies are boobies, but X calls hers 'nibbles' in a rather sweet mis-translation of nipples.


  15. We just used the word "privates" in general, so "Daddys privates" or "[insert name] Privates". Even that gets a giggle every time!

    We have used "Willy" when we were telling Bunny off for drawing one at school.

    I love "Junk" and "Minnie" so might start using them!

    I found Duncans suggestions the funniest - I use the word minge when talking to my hubby - he uses the word C**t. Pork-sword is just genius!

    Other ones that I've not seen mentioned here, are:

    COCK (Come on it's a classic!)

    Lady bits

  16. I'm sitting in the waiting room of the Hosp for Physio trying sooooo hard not to laugh out loud as I think the others (sitting v quietly-no talking) would think I've got something else wrong with me.
    I have 2girls so it was always just their bottom or vagina. I didn't want the whole giggle thing when they'd hear it at school lessons. Boys have a willy tho I laughed a lot when my 3yr old niece walked in on her dad who just came out of the shower.
    Daddy! She exclaimed, your prnis has a beard!!!

  17. Moo Moo & Winkle in our house :-D

  18. Mostly it's willy, but a mispronunciation of penis meant we alternate with peanut. Still makes me laugh. Boys just don't want to talk about girls at all, let alone their genitals. When we do it's vagina.

  19. It's pee pee or private part for girls and goo goo (Chinese) for boys here. For some reason I have no idea what its called for a girl in Chinese!

  20. This did make me laugh out loud... Daddy Button and Junk?!! Really, really would anyone really call it this??! Very funny!

  21. God I'm so happy I read right to the end of that! Gave my abs a great workout!

  22. Well if we're being anatomically correct shouldn't it be penis and vulva? We're not really talking about the vagina are we?! However that doesn't appear in your list so I would think twice for fear of mickey taking at school. I have a 2yo boy and so far we have got to the stage that boys have willies and girls don't. No further discussions yet so will be interesting to see what it ends up as in our house. Incidentally it was my front bottom as a child. Great blog post!

  23. I used to call it a "Mary" but since having kids I became concerned it they ever had a Mary in class that it might get a bit awkward so we now call it a fouf, not ideal but hey I hate the word vagina or vulva.

  24. I LOVE this post. I had a minor freak-out over this when L was born - we were living in France and (French) hubs was speaking to her in French whilst I spoke to her in English. In French it was easy: "zizi" for boys and "foufoune" for girls, in English I was happy with "willy" for a boy but "fanny" for a girl just seemed wrong. I couldn't find one single word I liked and none of the females in my family could remember what we called it, so I adopted the French word "foufoune" so that even though we're back in the UK now we still call it her "foufoune".

    Interestingly at the end of term her teacher taught them all penis and vagina (reception class), the only problem was L kept mixing vagina and Virginia up and her ballet teacher is called Virginia....

  25. Omfg I'm dying!
    In our house there were:
    Mary / Lady Garden / Foof or Doody / Winky / Willy.
    So bloody funny.

  26. heh heh, in our house, girl bits are "sparklies" and boy bits are "winkle-dinkles"