Sunday, 28 March 2010

The Argument

I've just had a row with The Husband. It's the same argument we've had for the past six years and is linked to either a full moon, lack of sleep, my period or his need to have special love. The script never changes - he makes a comment (usually about the way I deal with the children), I go MENTAL over his audacity and there in follows an exchange of angry words and cutting remarks based around the subject of "My Life Is Crapper Than Yours".
Which got me thinking. And it was quite funny because I had totally forgotten what the argument was about and I just wanted to run off and write my blog. But I couldn't go anywhere until we had had The Making Up, involving a cuddle which The Husband sees as an opportunity to get frisky.
Anyway, here I am at last with my thoughts.
The Husband's life is VERY IMPORTANT and he must have a laptop&mobile phone with him always. He says "The big cheese has left some people out in the cold because they don't keep their eye on the ball, but that's the way the cookie crumbles". I'm not sure what he is talking about. I have no idea what he does for a living.
My life, in comparison, seems VERY SMALL. Some days I have to do washing and some days I have to buy Sudocrem. However during the aforementioned argument I had an epiphany which goes something like this: Our jobs are EXACTLY THE SAME (but my life is still the crappiest). For example,
NEGOTIATION: The Husband does a lot of this and from what I can gather is very good at it. I am not so good at it but he should try negotiating with The Tomboy who will only wear football kits, he should attempt to negotiate with The Eldest One who says it's his worstest day ever even though he has been at three parties, played football, ate sweets and been bought Match Attax. And I bet the Husband wouldn't be so clever when negotiating with The Toddler who is determined to microwave Coke cans and poke sticks in my eye.
TIME MANAGEMENT: Well The Husband isn't very good at this but he is excellent at covering up his Time Management mistakes. He invents the weirdest and most wonderful excuses for being late to meetings that he gets everyone else apologising for being on time. I win hands down in this category. I always get to school before the bell goes without forgetting a child or a packed lunch. I am in Starbucks at the precise time I'm craving coffee. I am mostly on time for New Look when I need some retail therapy. I arrive promptly for any playground gossip. The children are always in time for bed and I almost never ever miss an episode of Desperate Housewives.
MEETINGS AND POWER LUNCHING: The Husband never has a meeting less than three hours long which of course he has to chair and always ensures he uses the words "Sustainable", "Due Diligence" and "Creative Destruction". Oh how The Husband does love a good power lunch. The more expensive the better. And he always ensures he picks up the bill. However The Husband has never experienced a meeting/power lunch like two adults and three toddlers in Pizza Express at a busy lunch time where the food is taking over an hour and they've run out of kiddie packs. I can use the words "Creative Destruction" in a much more appropriate sentence.
PRIORITISING: Does The Husband work on this years budget, the client proposal or his presentation to the board? Do I wash up or boil the kettle or read Grazia?
STRESS: So okay, I understand that a commute into London plus a team of 14 (directly) and 100 (indirectly) people under his great guidance plus managing a business worth 35million plus coming home to three crazy kids & a complaining wife DOES constitute a certain amount of stress. The Husband, however, can still pop out to buy a sandwich or read a paper on the train, indeed exercise some freewill. I, on the other hand, have to plan and implement an entire Military Operation when buying milk or getting petrol or having a wee.
COMMUNICATION: The Husband must be utterly contactable at all times. If he is not in communication due to lack of signal there is a high chance of natural disaster. If his battery has ran out then there is likely to be a world-wide Flash Forward incident. This is pretty much the same for me. Texting, Phoning, Hotmail and Facebook are essential vitamins&minerals to my daily diet. Talking with my children does not come under such banner. I don't know about his conversations at work but a typical home communication is ME: "I'm going out on Monday". HIM: "I'm away with work". ME: "When were you going to tell me?". HIM: "I'm telling you now".
GOSSIPING: On the rare occasion that The Husband brings home some office gossip, it's usually very good, as long as he doesn't digress into telling me about his workload. My playground gossip regarding who was wearing what and who doesn't like who pales in comparison.
So I reckon the scores are The Husband 3, Me 5.
I declare myself World Champion Crap Life Holder (well, for today anyway).


  1. Hello Claire, love the title of your blog "Ministry of Mum" brillant..... great blog...and I declare you as being world champion of a great life.... managing the ministry....talented, witty and we all go throuh thinking that some days are mundane....not just because of 'motherhood'... I often wonder where I went wrong with my kids (only joking kids)....and they are all grown up maybe its a feeling we get use to.... but then real joy comes with the grandchildren and that is cheer bliss......

  2. Sorry but I have to side with The Husband; you just can't do a power lunch and NOT do your due diligence. Insane! That said, I'm sure you must have forgotten to mention the "value proposition" :)

  3. Claire, I'm loving it!! You're writing my thoughts, expressing my feelings and you do it so well!!.... You are the spokeswoman for all of us!!