Thursday, 17 February 2011

Good Friends/Bad Friends

So I've been wanting to write about friendship for a while now. My aunty said to me that the friends you meet through your children are the very best you will ever make. To a point she is right and there is nothing like meeting a fellow Mum who shares your views on parenting, afternoon drinking and the importance of ignoring. However the draw of having babies at the same time or children in the same class is very dangerous. We take ages to choose a house, buy a car, even decide to have children but we jump into friendships so quickly just because our kids get along.

I am lucky that I haven't made too many mistakes but I've heard the stories. I have experienced a friend who made me feel crap about my children by being ultra competitive. I know my kids are a bit rubbish but I don't need reminding of it on a daily basis. I've also been sucked into a relationship where I had nothing in common with the mum but our kids wanted to be with each other all the time, despite their parents having nothing to talk about. There was even a friend who was so bitchy about everyone including their children that I had to wonder what she was saying about me. The only person allowed to slag off my kids is me after all.

The up side is that in ante-natal and the playground, you are bound to meet lifelong friends who are at the exact same point in their lives and who understand you, especially on the bad days. And if your kids get along it's bonus. We all had a life before we had children and the friends that are more than just mothers are great. The best times I have had is when our kids are in bed and the adult time is fun fun fun. It recharges my batteries and reminds me that I too can flirt, be hilarious and have my own identity. Albeit with a corker of a hangover.

My old friendships have definitely changed since I had kids. Some of my best buddies live in London and most of them don't have children. I'm sure they have observed the toll having children has had on me. I don't go to gigs anymore, don't go clubbing and if they suggest I visit them I'm like "Yeah let's stay in and watch a movie and chill". I'm not surprised they're in no hurry to hang out with me, especially when the alternative is VIP passes to The Black Eyed Peas with promise of the aftershow party packed with celebs. They love me still I'm sure, but they think I'm boring.
So I tend to see my local mates who have children and understand that I have to get up at 7am the next morning to switch on Thomas The Tank for The Toddler.

Please let me have your comments and stories of good mates gone bad that you have met through your children. People who you have befriended who have turned out to be scary. Especially if I was that nightmare friend.

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