CHILDBIRTH ISN'T THE MIRACLE - SURVIVING PARENTHOOD IS

Sunday 8 July 2012

Why I'm Not An Olympic Torchbearer

So we went to see the Olympic Torch in Stevenage today and it was great. The kids behaved, there were no embarrassing moments and the people stood next to us seemed to be having a great time too which is usually unheard of. I even had enough money left over from my child benefit to buy them all a flag, which they miraculously didn't whack each other with.

When we got back, I googled the torchbearers especially as I'd talked to one of their mums and said "You must be very proud" without a hint of sarcasm (also unheard of). But instead of inspiring me, it made me feel a bit depressed because, well, the four that I read about were these incredible people who had accomplished things against all the odds, been pillars of the community and were doing these amazing acts. While I sit and watch TV. It depressed me because I realised that, compared to them, I actually do feck all. I haven't beaten illness to then win a gold medal, I haven't encouraged deprived children to follow their dreams and I certainly haven't given up all my spare time to work at a centre for the homeless. But, you know what, we're all different innit. So I've been thinking about what my accomplishments are and although I'm not worthy of being an Olympic Torchbearer, well, it's made me not be so hard on myself.

1. I get three children ready, in the car and to three different schools without never ever being late. Even though, against the odds, I have spent 20 minutes on Twitter and I'm running dangerously low in petrol.

2. I have survived numerous school holidays without hardly even drinking during the day. And, in this spare time, I have encouraged my children to watch TV.

3. I try to be a nice person and will always help a friend out if it means looking after their dog, buying them ciggies or making them a G&T. And I rarely leave a text or tweet unanswered.

4. Quite often I cook my husband dinner to ensure he is fed and watered after a hard day in the office. Okay, so this is usually leftovers from the kid's dinner but, hey, you can't knock a bit of good food when you're starving.

5. On occasion I have been known to wear a nice outfit. Which totally inspires those mothers around me to think about getting out of their joggers.

And for anybody reading this who was a Torchbearer, well, I took three children and their mate to see the torch, in the pissing rain, got them to behave and didn't even lose one not even for a second. Which in itself is a super duper accomplishment which I'd like to see you try, especially with my kids.

Excuse me whilst I carry this lighter around my living room.

17 comments:

  1. #tearsup

    It's beautiful. I could NEVER do that. You are SUPERFUCKINGHUMAN.

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  2. Made me giggle - you have a lot to be proud of :)

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  3. It was my youngest's 3rd birthday when the torch came round our way. We managed to convince him that this was his party and that everyone had come out to celebrate for him (but it only happens when you're three, mind. Next year it's the playbarn, as per usual). I think this was an achievement, of sorts. And thrifty, too!
    I think you totally deserve the torch, though. I hate the school run with a passion, and only have one school to get to.

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  4. 6. And I am a quite frankly MARVELLOUS blogger and VERY funny and make a lot of other equally useless mums regularly have a giggle and think about poignant things

    At least you went to see the torch. I (hangs head in shame) decided not to the brave the torrential rain with 3 kids when the torch passed through the North West.

    I know, I am not worthy.

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  5. Yep, I agree with sarah, you should definitely add "whilst simultaneously tweeting wittily" to each of your accomplishments, a feat of which I am in constant awe - I can barely manage enough thought to grunt most days. Carry that lighter torch with pride - you deserve it!

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  6. You are, to us normal mums, what Bridget Jones was to all the singletons out there; reassurance that we are not alone in our inadequacies, and for this we love and celebrate you. They are going to fucking well make a film about you one day.

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  7. As ALWAYS, a bloody brilliant post, I myself now, am going to feel proud of myself, I managed 3 kids with a broken leg, cooked, sort of cleaned & did washing.. Lol can I walk around with the lighter too... Lol.

    P.s, I agree with the others, you missed off being an excellent Blogger & a VERY funny Lady.. Xxx

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  8. Yay, go you! The torch should have been carried around the whole of the country by us mums, then again we're all too busy being amazing to bother with that running thing.

    If it isn't raining on the 16th July I might just walk to the bottom of my road and watch

    Jakix

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  9. Well, you're an inspiration to me! Thanks for making me laugh on a cold / wet / grey Monday morning (loving this summer weather).

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  10. I think everyone feels a bit rubbish when hearing about superhuman tales. But I would too consider that not losing a child in the abyss that is Stevenage a great accomplishment!

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  11. LMAO!! You have given me such a giggle today and that it worthy of carrying the torch in my book!! You bring a smile to many faces with your blog and that isn't something that anyone can do.....and you do all that and are never ever late to school? You get a knighthood from me for that!!!

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  12. Bossing people around and doing some fundraising aka pillar of the community is nothing on getting 3 children out of the door. Besides you've definitely done more for this country than Will.I.Am

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  13. I love reading your posts, they make me smile and giggle :)

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  14. Love it, you are so funny and everything you say is true I am sure almost everyone can relate to something you blog about x

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  15. Love it, you are so funny and everything you say is true I am sure almost everyone can relate to something you blog about x

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  16. Love it, you are so funny and everything you say is true I am sure almost everyone can relate to something you blog about x

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