CHILDBIRTH ISN'T THE MIRACLE - SURVIVING PARENTHOOD IS
Wednesday, 27 January 2016
Tips For Travelling With Children
Episode 3 of The Secret Life of the Family aired last night and the kids and I had a starring role as THE CARCRASHIANS. Anyone with children can probably identify with the Days Out theme...but then add into the mix that we had been banged up together for a whole week by then, not really able to go out or have anyone over because we were filming. When we got in the car together, it was basically Big Brother on speed. No scrap that, it was Big Brother on a such a huge cocktail of drugs that I'm surprised we even made it to Manchester without ODing. Oh and to all you Judgey McJudgeypants out there - my driving is just fine (I've never had any points or anything) and yes my kids were total brats but they'd been working so hard for 7 or 8 days that, hey, they had to let off steam at some point. (albeit for the next 7 or 8 years)
Anyway, here are a few tips for travelling with children:
There's probably nothing wrong with holidaying in your own home. It might actually be fun, besides the fact that you will all get close to killing each other - better that happening in the comfort of your sitting room than in full public view at the airport when your plane is delayed or at McDonalds on the M25 or indeed on Channel 5.
2. IF YOU MUST TRAVEL, WAIT UNTIL YOUR KIDS ARE OLDER
There is nothing worse than taking an active toddler on a journey. Oh yes there is - changing a pooey nappy in an aeroplane's teeny tiny toilet. And in all forms of transport, there is NO ESCAPE.
No matter how prepared you are with games, colouring, food IT WILL NEVER EVER BE ENOUGH. In fact all options will be exhausted before you've even set off.
Slightly older children are okay because they can use gadgets. Who cares if the children end up square-eyed, reciting all the words to Toy Story because you might actually get to read a trashy celeb mag or two.
3. KIDS CLUB IS NOT A GREAT OPTION
Don't get sucked into sending your children to Kids Club, even if it's free and means they're gone for two hours. Do not be fooled into thinking that this means you can lounge around reading and drinking wine because to your husband, well, Kids Club = SPECIAL LOVE TIME.
4. TRAVEL JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS
So you can use Santa as a threat. Make sure the pilot or driver has a direct line to Lapland. If you're travelling in the summer, take lots and lots of sweets that you can then proceed to threaten to throw out the window. Use every goddamn empty threat you can think of and if you can't, then use an escape plan.
5. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF FREE DRINK
Especially those mini bottles of wine. And while you're at it, pass a glass or twelve to the people sitting in front and behind you. They'll need it.
Thanks for supporting the show - it's going off air now until March when it'll be back at the better time slot of 8pm ... full details to follow.
Posted by Claire