CHILDBIRTH ISN'T THE MIRACLE - SURVIVING PARENTHOOD IS

Sunday, 4 September 2011

Go The Fuck To School

The end is nigh, the holiday almost done
The weather has been hot, rainy and cool
You've seen lots of friends, had loads of fun
Now please, go the fuck back to school

We've been on a train, in the car, on a boat
For a swim in the sea and the outdoor pool
I'll take you somewhere for one very last time
If you swear you'll go the fuck back to school

Together we've been every minute, hour and day
Don't say you'll miss me because I'm no fool
Once you're back in that class it will be Mummy who?
For pete's sake go the fuck back to school

You've done all the things you have wanted to do
There's been no teachers, homework or rules
Hell no we can't go back to the holiday now
You know where you can go - to school

There's been ice-creams, cakes, sweeties and puds
I've not fed you healthy stuff, mush or gruel
Yes you will eat up all your bloody packed lunch
When you go the fuck back to school

The house is trashed with toys, games and stuff
The garden full of bikes, wheelbarrows and tools
I just need some space back, a room of my own
So please children Fuck.Back.To.School

The stuff is all bought, the uniforms are ironed
Your pens, pencils, shoes and bags are supercool
What - you're feeling poorly now????
Hell no! Go the fuck back to school!

I've spent two months child benefit on you kids
I've been nice and kind, not nasty or cruel
Now give me back my mummy time
I've got two words for you kids - Fucking School




(Go The Fuck to Sleep by Adam Mansbach is the inspiration behind this post)

16 comments:

  1. That is bloody brilliant! However, as a teacher, I do not want to go the f*ck back to school.

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  2. Lol you said what we are all thinking!!! Mine go back Wednesday...........2 days and counting :)

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  3. He he! Is there no end to your talents?

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  4. Nearly there, just 9 hours until they go back! Mich x

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  5. Laura - bumps and more5 September 2011 at 00:15

    Brilliant and my thoughts exactly. I love my kids don't get me wrong but now I want to love them just in the evenings and weekends!

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  6. Thank fuck for that - they're back but I am also in work! (BLEUGH!)

    BNM

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  7. Fabulous. At last, someone who gets how I feel after 9 weeks holidays.....!

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  8. sniggers!!!!

    apologies for the pimp but I have to know if you were doing the conga in Tesco's today?

    http://northernmum.wordpress.com/2011/09/05/put-the-gin-down-its-here-at-last/

    I love school, best invention ever!

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  9. Ha ahahaha! Excellent! mine isn't at school until next year but I will probably share the same views... I have to pass this on, its too good to miss!

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  10. Fabulous! Absolute genius. I share your sentiments utterly!

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  11. How have I only just read this!!! Funny as feck.

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  12. AAWh bum do I have to go .... to .. cries

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  13. I think I love you! But not in a creepy way. ;-)

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