Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Does Waitrose Sell Kryptonite?

Pretty much in the same way moths are drawn to light, The Toddler is powerfully attracted to danger. He has an in-built mechanism to always seek it out. For example, anything that we put away carefully and out of reach always ends up mysteriously in The Toddler's hand. This is usually a mixture of sharp garden tools, knives, glass, scissors, hot stuff and poisonous substances. And you can't blame the parents, we have wised up to this inherent danger and keep all threatening things under lock and key. But it doesn't makes any difference to The Toddler.
The other day, we were wandering around the garden quite happily until I noticed that The Toddler had a metal saw in his hand. I immediately phoned The Husband to give him what for but The Husband insisted that he'd left the saw locked up in the shed. I didn't believe a word of it of course. Until I caught The Toddler with a bottle of bleach I'd placed safely on the topmost shelf. At that point I realised something - the human race might be changing. There are people with supertalent or superintelligence like the Williams sisters and Bill Gates. But what if the human race is now evolving into even higher forms and my Toddler is part of the first generation to embody superpowers? There is something in his DNA that enables him to open locks, reach great heights and always stare In The Face Of Danger. Holy eighteen years of trouble, people!!!
So if Toddlers are mutating does this mean that Mothers Of Toddlers will revert in line with them? I hope so. It's getting a wee bit boring doing the same thing day in day out. I could do with the odd special power or crimefight to break the daily grind. Supermum instead of Superman? I think it could work.
But I guess all Mothers Of Toddlers are superheroes already. And even though my alter ego would rather be tripping the light fantastic, there is nothing like a big pair of comfy knickers to remind me that I'm just an ordinary mum. A mum who can do or at least fake everything as my superpower.
Peter Parker realised that "with great power comes great responsibility" and Ministry Of Mum has realised that "with great responsibility comes great Toddler danger and great Toddler danger deserves great wine".

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