So at the start of 2011, I have realised that The Husband and I mainly disagree on the following subjects:
1) The Toddler's sleeping habits
2) Crazy Play
4) Taking the kids out in the freezing cold
Parenting is a tricky subject. And even trickier when there are two people involved. As much as you might be on the same page with the same philosophies, there are always going to be certain areas where you disagree. Usually, the advice is to keep your mouth shut and talk about it later when the children are not around. But this is really hard, especially when you've got a mouth as big as mine.
The New Year has brought with it The Husband's new regime for getting The Toddler to bed. He has decided, on the eve of the older two going back to school, that it's time to sleep train The Toddler. Even though I know this has to be done, I don't think it's big or clever to start on the night before school, especially as The Toddler shares a room with The Tweenager.
Okay, so I have made the BIG MISTAKE of putting The Toddler to sleep in our bed. I know this is a big NO NO but hey, it's not like this is going to happen when he is eighteen (mmmm or is it?). My philosophy is that he will grow out of it and what's the big deal because at least it means everyone gets to bed on time.
The Husband is sick of this. I think he has realised that having The Toddler in our bed means no special love the minute the kids are asleep. Of course he's right but I am loving the fact that I can come downstairs and have my one ciggie of the day and, more importantly, watch The Real Housewives of New York.
Knowing The Toddler, and even knowing his capacity for screaming for his mama, I agreed to put The Toddler to bed in his cot. This is the conversation:
The Husband: "He is going in his cot."
Me: "It's a bad idea, I am over-ruling you."
The Husband: "Put him in his cot."
Me (in a voice just loud enough so he doesn't hear): "Tosser."
I explain to The Toddler that once he finishes his milk he can have a cuddle then he is going into his cot. "Okay" he says, not understanding a word that I have said.
I distract him by talking, but there is only so much I can say about his new red bike and his Bob The Builder nappy pants before he realises what is going on. "NO NO NO Mummy's bed!!!!" he screams. I switch to phase two, talking about helicopters and rockets. I distract him enough to slip him into his bed and I wait. The Toddler miraculously seems to be settling at which point I am really bored so I sneak off into my bedroom. For about thirty seconds before the crying starts. I then spend the good part of twenty minutes stroking his head while simultaneously reaching over his cot which is not easy when you've got love handles made of Christmas pudding and two weeks worth of G&Ts.
You will not believe it but The Toddler falls sleep.
I come downstairs where The Husband has a Marlboro Light waiting for me.
"See?" he says, smugly "Happy New Year."