Ha! I am so proud of that title. Even though it's not really true. We actually had a nice time but I loved my play on words so much I had to use it.
I've not blogged in AGES. That's because we have been in Tenerife. I at last persuaded The Husband to take a cheeky week away. If he takes time off and is at home, the temptation to work is so great for him that what he actually does is just work from home. This really pisses me off because not only am I still lumbered with the children, I have to hear him on the phone saying "Blah Blah Blah...that's the way the cookie crumbles...Blah Blah Blah...my diary changes daily...Blah Blah Blah...Claire, can you please sort out the children...Blah Blah Blah".
So we booked a last minute holiday and, boy, did I need it. Usually when we go away, we stay in a villa or an apartment but this time we decided to go to an all-inclusive hotel. It's not really our thing but I liked the idea of doing f-all for a week and saying to The Husband "But darling, the children really want YOU in the pool". If you've never been to an all-inclusive then basically the score is this - all your food, drinks, extras like icecream are free (well, you've already paid but you forget about that). The food is okay but when you've got kids that are always hungry it's a god send. And the best thing about the drinks is that the amount that gets spilt (about 18 a day) doesn't matter, because you just send the kids to get another.
The funniest thing about all-inclusive though is the people, especially the ones that go year in year out and make sure they get more than their money's worth by eating twenty times the amount they would normally and drinking from 8am til, well, 8am.
Anyway, the holiday was fun. I've been worried that I've not got much blog material - I mean a child getting lost or a huge public argument with The Husband would have been great - but here are some thoughts.
The Tomboy, as always, was mistaken for a boy about fifty times. Even though I carefully bought some mini denim shorts and a nice greenish tee, she wore the same clothes every day which consisted of The Tweenager's army trousers and a black skull top. Plus the beanie hat that she tucks her hair into. The best comment I got was from a waiter who said "Ooo you're so lucky, THREE boys, you've got a real football team there." I've stopped pointing out to people that she's a girl because that makes me look even weirder than I already am.
We have been converted to the joys of Kids Club and Mini Disco. If we timed The Toddler's sleep with a kids activity, we got about 45 mins kid-free. That was well worth the boring food in the restaurant.
Years ago a friend said to us "What, you don't go to all-inclusive? Don't your kids want a mini disco?" and oh how we laughed. But she is the one laughing now because I am a MASSIVE mini disco fan. It's the same songs every night and the same routines but the bit when The Tweenager fell off the stage was priceless.
The Tweenager had a holiday romance. It was really really cute. I over heard him telling his mate about it last night and he was like "Well, she's my ex now but she'll be my girlfriend on holiday next year". Love it. Perhaps he does have a nice side after all.
The Toddler loved it. As always he got to do what the hell he wanted but this time it was in armbands in the pool. The Husband made several comments of course about the way I am rearing him but he couldn't deny that ignoring The Toddler's behaviour meant extra time on the sun lounger.
So we're back home and things are getting back to normal. Oh I forgot to mention one incident. I was in the kiddie pool playing ball with The Toddler when he slipped over and grabbed the nearest thing to him to stop him from falling. It happened to be my bikini bottoms. Except he took hold of them a bit too well. He didn't slip over but he made damn sure that something did fall. Yes, folks, my bikini bottoms hit the deck, exposing my lady bits to approx 22 Germans, 7 Spanish and countless Brits.
I guess this year they did get their money's worth.