This week I have been a bit poorly. I have had what can only be described as a heavy weight hanging over me. Google had no answers, neither did NHS Direct. I have had to self-diagnose. What I have been suffering from is Parental Guilt Syndrome. Here is my explanation:
Parental Guilt Syndrome comes from a fear of not doing enough for one's children. Or when you fuck up. Mothers who are especially lazy are most likely to suffer from this. Somehow,though, these mothers still find the energy to feel guilty.
Three things happened this week:
1. I DIDN'T GO TO SPORTS DAY
Okay, in my defence sports day was rescheduled. I had planned our holiday around sports day so we'd definitely miss it. However, due to that one nice day in April being our summer, it pissed it down and was moved to this week. So I actually didn't find out until the day. It came down to a decision between Starbucks with my mate or Sport's Day...and, well, I didn't want to disappoint my friend, or my cappuccino.
My son didn't really mind - EXCEPT there was an incident (see below).
2. I THOUGHT MY SON WAS FAKING BEING ILL
My eldest can be a bit of a hypochondriac. Quite often I have to use the lines "If I don't see vomit, then you're not really sick" and "If there's no blood then you don't need a bandage." Really, I should have shares in Bandaid with the amount of plasters my children use.
The other night he was coughing and waking me up to the point where I was convinced that he was forcing the cough just so I'd sleep in his room. He was still managing to do somersaults on the trampoline at 9pm and eat 573 Oreos. But at Sports Day, he practically passed out with having trouble breathing and was a very sorry sight sat in the shade whilst everyone was doing the Three Legged Race. Or so I'm told - because I wasn't there.
I decided to take him to the doctors and, would ya believe it, he totally wasn't faking. He's developed asthma and had to go on the nebulizer plus be prescribed steroids.
3. I REFUSED TO DO CRAFTS
My toddler is obsessed with painting. The extent of craft materials I allow in the house is one 27p paint palette from Asda. It's all he wants to do at the moment but he is so rubbish at actually getting the paint on the paper plus he always knocks over the water. Yesterday I told him that the paints had run out of batteries.
I've messed up a bit, you see? I'm hoping that my kids survive being parented better than I survive doing the parenting. Maybe I'm doing my best with what I have to work with. But Parental Guilt Syndrome is a fecker. It's been weighing heavy on me.
Thank god it can be cured with a swift dose of gin.