This was the conversation I had with my husband last week:
HIM: "The kids have been pretty good today, haven't they?"
ME: "Yeah, apart from when you went into the shop and they were threatening to cut off each other's body parts."
Oh how we laughed. We laughed and laughed. Until something dawned on me - The kids have got this switch that is only flicked whenever their Dad is not around. It's a switch of revolting behaviour. A Revolting Switch. They are actually quite nice ... until Daddy exits and that's when it all turns, well, their heads turn - freaking 360 degrees, totally channelling Linda Blair's famous headspin in The Exorcist.
Of course DADDY never sees it. So of course he thinks it's me. And the kids always deny such behaviour. The greatest trick my children ever pulled was convincing Daddy that the behaviour didn't exist.
So I'm on a mission. I am determined next weekend for my husband to witness The Revolting Switch. Because - yippee! - I'm off to Britmums and he's got a full 24 hours of his children without me. I figure that the kids might well be clever but they're not that clever to survive 24 hours without threatening to kill each other in a slow and painful way.
And I won't believe him. Even if they've vomited devil puke all over him.