CHILDBIRTH ISN'T THE MIRACLE - SURVIVING PARENTHOOD IS

Thursday, 14 June 2012

The Revolting Switch

This was the conversation I had with my husband last week:

HIM: "The kids have been pretty good today, haven't they?"
ME: "Yeah, apart from when you went into the shop and they were threatening to cut off each other's body parts."

Oh how we laughed. We laughed and laughed. Until something dawned on me - The kids have got this switch that is only flicked whenever their Dad is not around. It's a switch of revolting behaviour. A Revolting Switch. They are actually quite nice ... until Daddy exits and that's when it all turns, well, their heads turn - freaking 360 degrees, totally channelling Linda Blair's famous headspin in The Exorcist.

Of course DADDY never sees it. So of course he thinks it's me. And the kids always deny such behaviour. The greatest trick my children ever pulled was convincing Daddy that the behaviour didn't exist.

So I'm on a mission. I am determined next weekend for my husband to witness The Revolting Switch. Because - yippee! - I'm off to Britmums and he's got a full 24 hours of his children without me. I figure that the kids might well be clever but they're not that clever to survive 24 hours without threatening to kill each other in a slow and painful way.
And I won't believe him. Even if they've vomited devil puke all over him.

10 comments:

  1. hahahaha he will be begging you to come home early!!

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  2. Hooray for you being back to blogging.

    You wouldn't want your husband to jump from a first floor window like a defeated priest, would you?

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  3. Anoop Singh-Best14 June 2012 at 15:20

    The greatest trick they ever pulled... Hahahaha.... It's so true it makes me weep sometimes.
    One day I'm going away for the weekend... Not sure when, but I'll do it. Wonder who'll be the last man standing.....
    (the smart money says the 9yr old...)

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  4. My two boys do exacty the same with my OH. Normally within a minute of him leaving the house. It puts me in a rage. Eldest creates such a fuss over tiniest matters that when littlest was running around with a carving knife I ignored all the commotion and palaver - for really quite a considerable amount of time, thinking perhaps there'd been a fight over a piece of train track, but no. I am so used to zoning out when they behave like that - purely because it's only for my benefit (?)and no-one else's that they put themselves in real danger. Like you though, am off to Britmums. Bet it's our other halves on the bottles by tea time when we're away. Yay! Revenge is sweet when it's served iced.

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  5. I am pretty lucky my children aren't gender or parent specific when it comes to bad behaviour, however when we tell our parents what the little angels have been up to we often get a "oh I can't believe X ever behaves like that". Well yes that's because you give into their every demand and indulgence and never say no to them that's why they are angels with you.

    Be sure to leave the house with stripped beds and no food.

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  6. I cannot flaming wait for BlogCamp. That'll teach our 'The Dad'.

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  7. LOL!! It's the other way round in our house. Katie plays Daddy up something rotten. He recounts (at great length) the details of putting her to bed when I'm out. He's going to be having her whilst I come along to Britmums Live and leave them alone for the first night EVER! Looking forward to meeting up with you at the conference.

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  8. Hahaha I do hope they play up for him ;)

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  9. Great post! FYI I've nominated your blog for The Reader Appreciation Award. My post has all the details: http://themostynthomasjournal.com/2012/06/18/a-bloggers-award Congratulations!

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  10. GREAT post! I agree! OH, he'll believe. He WILL believe. And he'll be wiping split pee soup-puke off of himself...and kissing your ass apologetically. lol!

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